THE TEN MOST DISTURBING RECENT DEVELOPMENTS IN MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL

by Richard Rosen

 

I don’t go to many baseball games anymore.  I’ll explain the reason for that below, but I’m a customer of MLB.com, which means I can watch almost every baseball game every day.   (Local teams the Giants and the A’s are totally blacked out, whether at home or on the road, and ESPN and Fox games are also blacked out).  Most days I plan my schedule around the Yankee game, which much of the time starts in the Eastern time zone, which means 4:00 pm on week nights and 10:00 am on week ends.  Whether or not I catch the Bombers, I ALWAYS watch the day’s highlights, which,  depending on my mood and the quality of the games, usually takes between 45 minutes and an hour.  What should you watch when time is limited?  In ascending order: shortstop throws from deep in the hole; home runs, especially hit by Prince Fielder, Michael Morse, and Giancarlo Stanton; any triple; right fielder throws to third or home; any argument leading to an ejection, preferably of the manager; no hitters.  

But in recent years I’ve noticed some disturbing developments in America’s former pastime. I’m not exactly sure what I mean by "recent years", some of these developments are quite recent, others have been around for much longer and have been nagging at me like an ache that won’t go away.  Of course the absolute most disturbing development in my lifetime has been the institution of the Designated Hitter, which has largely spoiled the purity of the American League for me.  Now that Houston (what a joke) is heading over to the AL, it’s very likely that the NL will soon cave into pressure to add the DH, which will desecrate the game entirely for generations to come, until (as I predict) some time in the future there will be an irresistible movement to restore the game to its original God given plan, and the pitchers will once again be hitting .133 in the ninth spot in the order. 

Anyway, I’m not here to talk about the hated DH, no, I have other fish to saute (I’m on a diet and fried food is fattening).  Here are my most disturbing recent developments in the world’s greatest game: 

10. The disappearance of sanitary socks.  Most players wear their pants down to their shoes, like regular street pants, ruining the sleek lines of the traditional uni. Thank God for Hunter Pence and players like him who know how to properly attire themselves on the diamond.

9. Flat hat brims.  The pants are bad enough, but now many younger players don’t properly curve their hat brims, they leave them flat.  I always imagined that it was an innate tendency in humans to, upon getting a new cap, immediately curve just so.  But apparently I was mistaken. It’s an ugly look, have a gander at Joba Chamberlain the next time he gets in a game if you don’t believe me. 

8. Football numbers.  One of the most important decisions you could make as a young player was: what number do I want on my uni?  I always hankered after 7, the Mick’s number, but thought it too sacrosanct.  Eventually I hit on the perfect solution, I took 13, a number back in the early 60s when I was playing organized ball NOBODY would touch with a 10-foot bat.  I’ve always been a bit of an outsider, and 13 fit that identity well.  But everyone knows that proper baseball numbers range between 1 and 44, sometimes slipping into the high 40s or low to mid 50s on extraordinary occasions, like Don Drysdale (53) or Jim Bouton (55, but only because he wrote Ball Four).  Numbers began creeping into the high 50s and God forbid 60s over the last 25 years or so, but they were usually temporary, given to rooks in spring training, who then changed to proper baseball numbers if they made the team.  And in the last few years these essentially football numbers are becoming more and more permanent. As one example, I watched Dustin Pedroia get kicked out of a game the other night, and as his replacement trotted out to second I got a whiff of his number: 77.  Now this is particularly egregious, everyone knows second basemen have low or single digit numbers like Bobby Richardson or Nellie Fox. Who wants a defensive lineman making the pivot on a double play, or a linebacker hitting lead off? 

7. Pitchers’ facial hair.  I certainly have nothing against hair. It was my generation of the 60s that made long hair on men perfectly acceptable. I still let my hair grow pretty long sometimes, but it’s all white and scraggly nowadays where it used to be black and wavy. Anyway, this whole fad I believe was popularized by Brian Wilson after the Giants lucked into a World Championship a couple years back. Everyone started emulating that ridiculous black beard he grew, the worst offender I’ve seen recently is that relief pitcher for Pittsburgh, Hanrahan I think his name is. That look is fine on a pro wrestler or a tow truck driver, but not on a pro baseball player. 

6. Chest thumping.  There’s no crying in baseball, you don’t show emotion unless it’s because the ump screws up or you’re reading your acceptance speech to the Hall of Fame (or you’re Billy Martin getting fired for the umpteenth time, you remember Billy Bawl, don’t you?). But nowadays the displays of emotion are getting out of hand, starting with chest thumping. That’s OK for a football player after a sack or a shooting guard who just drained a 3, but that’s football and basketball, clearly inferior contests where that kind of showing off is part of the "scene." 

TO BE CONTINUED